I returned from a month-long holiday from India recently and was ridden with guilt. A month of no proper exercise and loads of food – from kebabs to biryani, chole bhature to pani puri, mithai and everything in between – was beginning to show in all the obvious and not so obvious spots!
Desperate to get fit again, I logged onto my gym booking app and to my utter shock, there were no available slots for the next two weeks – every available class was booked days in advance. It was obvious that I was not the only one who had gorged on vacation!
I mentioned this predicament to a friend who quipped – “Just wait for a few weeks, when the new year resolutions wear off, it will be all back to normal.” I laughed and was reminded of why I have stopped making those lofty new year resolutions for the past many years.
Resolutions at the start of the year create unrealistic expectations from self. They start with an over-zealous intention of turning a new leaf at the stroke of midnight – an over romanticized idea of transformation, rather than taking baby steps to a clear, well-defined goal. Such resolutions are naturally short lived as they give more mental stress than joy, and we all have enough stress in life anyways, who wants more?
While resolutions may not work, these hacks have worked for me instead (and they might for you too):
Quit over thinking:
Plunge right in. For years I had been a thinker, some would say overthinker – weighing pros and cons of every action and writing things off because of how impractical or improbable they looked at the moment – even before I tried them. The new me decides to just dive in headlong and see how things will shape up.
“You will never know if you never go,” right?
And life, I have found, has a way of rewarding you when you least expect and those moments are sweeter than planned fulfilment of goals. Of course, life also has a way of humbling you in ways you least expect but that’s the fun of it all– not knowing which path leads where, for isn’t the journey more important than the destination itself?
For those who are familiar with Hindi literature might know of the poem called, “Ek boond” (one drop) by Ayodhya Singh Upadhyay. The poem describes the journey of one rain drop which falls from a cloud in the sky and while making its way to the earth is fraught with fears and apprehensions -where would it fall? will it self-destruct? will it die? But it finally gets carried into the open mouth of an oyster where it becomes a lustrous pearl! This simple poem can be applied in all walks of life – from leaving home, to learning a new skill, meeting new people, going up on stage, making a career move – any big change or new beginning in life.
A quote by Wayne Gretzky sums it up, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Bury that seed (idea) deep:
When you get struck by an idea or read or hear of something that you like, or you have a thought that can potentially formulate into an ationable plan – reinforce it consciously and repeatedly.
Acknowledge that these thoughts are often fickle, they can easily get pushed to the back of your mind by the hundreds of other to do lists you are juggling. To make thoughts and ideas actionable NOW – write them down promptly – on a sticky note, a diary or even on your phone notes – writing gives a greater retention value than just having it jostling for priority in your over-worked brain. It is also concrete proof that the thought was real so you can’t dismiss it as a hallucination or a dream later! Then leave no opportunity to remind yourself to follow, implement or to make that change. In other words, bury that seed and water it regularly. It will bear fruit!
I remember as a kid, my mother used to ask us to tell the pillow the time we wanted to get up in the morning or if we wanted to remember an important task for the morning. For years, I kept doing this religiously – treating my pillow as an alarm clock and a reminder app. Surprisingly, it worked! Slowly, I made my pillow my confidante too, whispering my wishes, my anxiety or doling out encouragement to myself for the next day of school. It was only later that I realized the pillow was inconsequential, what mattered was me voicing my thoughts aloud, reinforcing my intentions, even putting my wishes out in the universe without the recipient judging me for them, right before I dozed off. It was as if these thoughts got buried deep into my subconscious while I slept peacefully.
As an adult, I make it a point to jot down anything that comes to my mind – lines of poetry, a habit that I want to change, a goal I want to accomplish, then I repeat these to myself when I meditate, go for walks or sometimes even quietly to my pillow before I sleep!
The point here is finding your pillow or mirror or notepad or whatever it takes to reinforce that thought, preventing it from sliding and slipping away. When you have consciously reinforced it enough times, the voice in your brain will become bigger and bigger till you cannot ignore it anymore and have to act.
Go for the 4Cs:
No lah! Not the Singaporean ideal equivalent of material wealth and status: car, cash, credit card and condominium. But C for Change, Consistency, Common sense and Courage.
Change what’s not working – from diet, sleep routines, work pattern. Listen to your body, heed the signals, cut down the red flags in your habits and lifestyle and work on executing one change one thing at a time. Start simple, start slow and make a change that you can respect and sustain. I read somewhere just making one tiny change every week can have a cumulative life changing impact– this can be as minimal as pushing forward your dinner time by 15 minutes or sleeping 15 minutes earlier every night.
Consistency – a highly under-rated attribute, it beats gifted and early bloomers any day. Consistency makes champions, begets success slowly but surely. Consistency is the ability to carry on even on your “off” days. When you are consistent, the body listens, the mind follows. Consistency helps one achieve goals whether it be losing weight, building muscle or becoming an expert in a skill or in achieving a goal that looked unattainable to begin with.
Common Sense – I can’t stress this enough in the era of Insta influencers and wannabe experts! Common sense seems very uncommon as people are literally telling us how to breathe, what to eat, how much to sleep, how to keep our careers, our sanity and build lasting relationships whilst scrolling endlessly! The countless reels and sermons, makes one wonder how people survived before? Perhaps they exercised common sense guided by accumulated experience, intelligence and logic and letting their instinct shine through, which we seem to be incapable of in this age of bed-rotting.
Courage–Beyond and above all is your courage – the courage to change, the courage to persevere, the courage to overcome challenges, and the courage to challenge yourself to go further from where you are. Courage to step out of your comfort zone and work towards bettering yourself little by little sets the groundwork for success. This courage is often inert and needs a conscious push to energize. And once you have energized the beast called courage, you are practically unstoppable.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill
Taking stock of personal successes and failures - This is how the hacks helped me grow in the recent past:
The last two years have been years of transition and emotional upheaval for me. I had to stop working because of work pass issues beyond my control. Then, I experienced the dreaded (half) empty nest syndrome as my elder son left for college miles away from home. My younger son moved to secondary school which meant longer hours and rising independence as a teenager. All this while I was trying to make sense of bodily changes and mood swings spurred on by a frustrating peri-menopause period.
It was easy to fall prey to an all-encompassing feeling of doom that kept raising its head again and again in my moments of weakness But, I decided that instead of stressing about things beyond my control, I had to find the courage to do things I have always wanted to do, to set personal goals for myself and fearlessly take them on. This journey set a whole list of firsts in its wake and gave me the confidence I thought I had long lost.
- Set up my sole proprietorship and published my website after a lot of trepidation about marketing my content.
- Started studying again. Enrolled in a Digital Marketing and a TEFL course to upskill myself and successfully got certified in both.
- Joined a gym and started strength training in earnest, after a history of past injuries from a slip disc to cervical issues had caused me to be very cautious when it came to training.
- Got behind the wheel for the first time to learn driving in Singapore. Albeit, failed my driving test and received a “failed” report card for the first time in my life too! Not proud of it but have to acknowledge all firsts – successes or failures, because the courage to try counts more than anything. And for the record, I am still persevering to pass, so wish me luck and a kind tester the next time round!
- Anchored a Diwali event with over 200 guests. Had butterflies in my stomach as I stepped up on the stage and spoke into the mic after several years. Would give myself a 7 on 10 on performance but a 10 on 10 for courage!
- Took the best decision of my life by joining a vibrant trekking community called Trekkers@heart in Singapore. I have been an avid and consistent walker my whole life but past injuries and low confidence had been preventing me from challenging myself beyond the safe limits. I was scared of trying more. Being with Trekkers@heart helped me open up and grow. From trying HIIT, running, elevation training to challenge walks of >22 kms and climbing a 47-storey building 4 times (can’t believe I actually did that!), every week I was pushing my limits and achieving a first. Before I knew it, I was off for an adventurous hiking trip with my older son to Mt Bromo, Ijen and the Tempak Sewu waterfall. Bonus, this group parties as it treks –passionately, enthusiastically, energetically so being with them also boosted my social confidence by notches.
- Last but not the least – I took a giant leap of faith and went on a high-altitude Himalayan multi-day expedition trek called the Sandakphu Phalut with a group of 12 other trekkers in November last year. The group successfully summitted the highest points of West Bengal – Sandakphu at 3636 metres (11930 feet) and Phalut at 3600 m (11810 ft), covering 70 kms of steep climbs and descents, forest and ridge walks over 6 days.
The trek constituted a series of firsts for me, travelling without family for the first time in years, attempting a high-altitude trek for the first time, staying in tea houses and camps for the first time, waking up to see the majestic Sleeping Budha, spotting the majestic Mt Everest, successfully summiting and returning home with a 3k medal, a truckload of memories and a bagful of lessons. The success was even sweeter as it came after a nasty freak fall, I had while climbing a sheer 300m hill in Malaysia in which I broke my right thumb and had to endure an insect that had flown into my ear. A little nervous and fearful at first, I took the plunge of registering for the Himalayan trek and instead of focusing on what could go wrong again, I focused on preparing better and the universe rewarded me handsomely!
As someone famously says, “The hardest mountain to climb is within ourselves.”
I have many more firsts to achieve, many more challenges to overcome and many more mountains to climb!
So, this year people don’t succumb to the hype of new year resolutions, instead listen to your inner voice, pump up the courage and go climb your mountain, wherever and whatever it might be!
