March, the third month of the year is here- it’s when we welcome spring, paint our lives with colors of joy and last but not the least, celebrate the spirit and empowerment of women.
However, at the same time that we hold events to celebrate International Women’s Day around the world, there would be thousands of women and young girls across the world feeling unsafe in their neighborhood, in their college, in their workplace, on the street and even sadly in their own homes.
If we are living in India, we would be adapted to reading reports of rapes and violence against women every single day, so much so that we don’t even blink our eyes at the reports anymore. Of course as always there is the abominable victim-shaming after each incident- what did she wear, who did she go out with, what time was she outdoors, because hey, you can’t tame the male hormones, can you?
Along with that we are also quick to dismiss these incidents on factors such as – immigration from smaller towns, influence of the media, exposure to western culture, with some even blaming changing food habits for this malice! Of course, media does play a part- our children are exposed to games and TV shows that are shockingly violent, hero-centric and nurture gender biases in a pervasive manner.
But I believe the cause for this decadence of culture is way deeper- it is rooted in our attitude towards boys and girls from the time we bring them into the world- to how we shape their social behavior as they grow up- to how we expose them to the skewed male-female balance at home.
Perhaps it is to do with how we cover up wrongdoings with the expression, “boys will be boys”, while teaching a whole lot of ‘culture and tradition’ to our daughters and burdening them forever with fear and insecurities about how they dress, talk, walk and form social relationships.
We seldom acknowledge that it is our parenting that is responsible for how our boys grow up to be- it is our family set-up that breeds the culture where physical prowess is considered superior; where it is not just acceptable but expected of boys to nurture their macho images; where boys are trained to develop their ego but not empathy; where boys and men are allowed to feel privileged and entitled and their needs (and egos) are instantly gratified by over zealous women around them – then be it a hot meal or more.
I strongly believe that if we want to create a safer world for our girls so that they can lead the lives they want, it is imperative that we focus on our boys too. Moral policing is archaic; the need of the hour is to train our boys from young to grow up as secure, balanced men who do not derive pleasure in hurting and subjugating women and who do not feel threatened by every woman who dares to challenge them.
Perhaps it is time to shift the focus from teaching our daughters to stay safe to training our boys to create a safe place for everyone. Perhaps it is time to teach our boys not to turn into “those notorious elements” that we advise our daughters to stay away from. Perhaps, it is time we teach our boys to learn to do their own chores at home and to learn to wait for their turn – whether it be in a queue, at the dinner table, in the boardroom or in the bedroom.
Perhaps it is time for us to train our boys’ that it is ok to shed a tear when they are upset, that being sensitive and respectful is not a sign of weakness, that mere brute strength has limited ability in the face of mental strength and emotional well-being. Perhaps it is time to impart the pre-marital lecture on duties and responsibilities reserved for the bride, to the groom, so he understands that he needs to adjust and make sacrifices too.
As mothers, we women have a huge role in shaping the society and the seed of this is sown in the very way in which we parent our children. So perhaps it is time to impart to our boys the understanding that:
- Just as boys will be boys- it is OK for girls to be girls. Live and let live.
- It is uncool to bully or harass someone just because you are physically stronger than her/ him.
- Your female friends, class mates, colleagues and the girl you see in the mall or in the bus are just fellow beings. You don’t need to worship them or treat them as your mother and sister. Just respect them as fellow beings, don’t objectify them.
- Women are created differently by the creator so that their bodies can do what your bodies cannot – procreate! Physical differences do not invite or justify teasing and bullying.
- Women are mentally tuned differently too so learn to respect that.
- Women’s views are not an affront to your masculinity. So man up and listen!
- Marry, when you are mentally ready for marriage so that you are also prepared to give and not just take. (It’s not a one way street!)
So this International Women’s Day, let’s also focus on our boys and parent them right so they grow up into men we can be proud of and in turn create a safer world for our girls where they can blossom and grow without fear!
This article was first published in my blog Creative Musings and then on Momspresso.com on the occasion of International Women's day, 2014
